My first Diet Mountain Dew in probably ten years

My sister and I share a logic about fountain sodas, which is, the bigger the soda, the tinier we look. Kelly and I think that others walk past us as we carry our huge sodas and think to themselves, there’s no way that soda is that big. Those women must be super tiny. When New York outlawed those sixty-four ouncers a while back, I felt terrible for all the women trying to use illusion in their favor.

All this to say, this is me at the end of week three of the semester, trying already to keep up with the reading and grading. Me, the one who gave up soda back in February.


And I think the soda’s got smaller in the campus shop while I was on sabbatical, or maybe my man hands just got bigger.

And Wright State, while I love you so much, for the love of god I wish we were a Coke campus.

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